We took a fresh approach with this website: “Lord, find us the spouse of YOUR dreams,” which will truly be the match “made in heaven” for which we all pray. From my standpoint, I had to move past the unrealistic expectations of a typical guy: the arm candy girlfriend who had a bazillion bucks in the bank and a daddy who owned a franchise of Ferrari dealerships…in Monaco. You get the idea. We decided that we were going to play this one right down the line by God’s rules (you know what I’m talking about here) and see what happened.

Claire and I went through the profiles not to find a reason to rule someone out, but rather to discern who that person was. Interesting point: in asking single friends about about someone’s profile, they’d always find the “red flag.” Asking married couples about that supposed red flag and they’d say “is that all? Send them an e-mail already!” Claire and I were looking to see if each other had our priorities in the right order. (For those following along at home, our priorities are: 1) God; 2) Spouse; 3) Children 4) Family 5) Job 6) Friends 7) Hobbies 8) Everything else).

We reached out to each other in April of 2007 with the shared goal of being friends first. There was no time limit on when we needed to move from e-mail to phone calls and beyond. We relied on God to let us know when it was right. After talking to each other on the phone a couple of times a week, we worked through the normal jitters associated with taking a relationship from e-mail to phone calls. (Our advice is to give yourselves a few phone calls to get to know the other person. A bit of clumsiness in conversation is normal and to be expected). After a few months, Ray agreed to fly out to Vermont from Ohio and spend the weekend getting to know Claire. (Gents, a bit of advice from Ray: be a gentleman and pay for a hotel for yourself.) With Claire, I just found her to be “faded denim” comfortable to be around, someone with whom you could share your faith, your dreams and your imperfections. We began learning much more about each other than can be described in a profile, simply because we built the relationship on a foundation of “friends first.”

Ray

We used Instant Messaging throughout the day and we talked on the phone every night, getting caught up on each other’s day. Claire’s sister gave us the best piece of advice for long-distance relationships that sustained us through many a lonely time apart. She said “end every phone call by praying. Don’t say a prayer. Pray. From your heart.” I can’t tell you how much those heartfelt prayers to God with the other person on the line brought us so much closer together, knowing the struggle that the other person was going through and sharing our own. In due time, we fell in love in a way that was much deeper than any relationship we had known before. We never expected it, but God did. All we had to do was follow His plan and keep walking down that long and winding road.

Have you ever heard of “God moments?” These are the times when God makes it very clear that He’s in your life and walking with you. Claire and I had one of our God moments at Indian Brook Reservoir in Vermont. What started out as a simple walk in late evening with only a headlamp between us gave us a microcosmic glimpse of our formula for success in marriage. We had planned to take the trail around the lake, which led back to the parking lot. When the sun is up, it’s easy to do. We underestimated how low the sun was on the horizon and when we were halfway around the lake, God shut the lights off. That’s when Claire mentioned that there were bobcats in the area. I felt like “Meals on Wheels.” Claire said “maybe we should yell for help?” I said “is that so the bobcats know where to find us?” Trying to be the macho, fearless guy, I took the headlamp in one hand and Claire’s hand in the other and navigated us through pitch-black woods, across creeks and back to the road. The experience showed us that the light of Christ would be the light to guide our way, that I needed to lead as husband and always remember to keep Claire at my side.

Claire’s favorite holiday is Thanksgiving, so everything seemed to come together for a proposal over the Thanksgiving Day weekend. Since we wanted Jesus in the center of our home and lives, we put Jesus as the center of our proposal. After the Mass, I let the congregation clear out a little and in front of the tabernacle, realizing the seriousness of my commitment to both God and Claire, I asked her to be my wife. I would strongly encourage all the men to honor Jesus in the same way. He will richly bless you for doing so. People came up to congratulate us. We asked somebody to take our picture, and it’s out of focus. We laughed about it afterward, realizing that God saves souls, not Kodak moments.

Ray

We were married on a Saturday, went to Mass on Sunday and loaded the final items for a relocation from Vermont to Ohio on Monday. Yes, the real-life first part of our honeymoon was spent looking through the windshield of a rented moving truck. Remember what we said about the commitment required to make a marriage successful? On the way down, Claire, (who we’ll call “Bandit”) was in the lead vehicle, while “Snowman” Ray was puttin’ the hammer down in the big rig just behind. Claire received a call for a job she had applied for the week before and the company wanted her to come in for an interview Tuesday morning. So be it, our departure for a quick week in Nashville was delayed by a few hours. Claire did the interview and we were Nashville-bound! We were having lunch on Friday of that week when Claire received the offer to start on Monday, kid you not. Another God moment.

Ray

In conclusion, Claire and I learned that nothing ever lines up 100%, and that’s good. In learning more about another’s views, perspectives and feelings allows us to grow as individuals. We have learned that the spouse of God’s dreams (Claire and I, for each other) has proven to be a better pick than we could have imagined, someone we might have glossed over in a profile and yet the person who can absolutely help each other be the best version of ourselves. We encourage everyone on this site to take a second and third look at someone you might have passed over, to see the person behind that profile. Start as friends, play it by God’s rules all the way down the line and see if God doesn’t bless you for it. Remember, you are searching for the spouse of God’s dreams, not yours. Have faith. Trust. Pray for us, knowing that we are praying for all of you. And in doing so, you will find a more fulfilling love than you knew was possible. Your “God moment” awaits.

All the best,

Claire and Ray

Ray